Looking from the other side

A short missive today…
One of the hardest things for me to do is to look at a topic or conversation from another viewpoint, from the other side. Especially when dealing with a lot of people at one time…that’s multiple sides. If you’re like me, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is not easy. Being empathetic is not easy. Yet, that is what it takes to be successful in sales, and probably in life.
This isn’t new- it’s always been that way. It has just manifested itself in different ways in different eras and different cultures. I maintain that getting truly connected to someone by earnestly and deeply seeking to understand their position and reasoning for a desired outcome is one major component for success. If you can’t do this to some degree your chances for success are diminished. Oh sure, you may be successful from a monetary standpoint because you can run all over people (point two below). But as most reasonable people know, success is way more than money and power. I won’t get into all the definitions of what success means, here.
There are a number of reasons why getting in someone else’s shoes is hard for people, but at least two are clear to me.
One, some people are too centered in their own thoughts. It may not be that they intentionally are ignoring the world around them or don’t care about others. They’re not trying to be distant or uninterested. They just have no clue that they are always operating inside their own head with no regard for or interest in the environment in which they are in- and that environment includes people. When they encounter others they are thinking only about what is in their mind. It’s not normal for them to naturally be interested in the other person and to really understand or seek out the other person’s viewpoint. Their emotional intelligence is turned off. They pick up on few or don’t pick up on any nuances of the people that they interact with. Verbal and visual clues just go right by…
Two, some people choose to dominate- they have no interest in learning about the other person’s view. They want their voice to be the one that is heard- loud and clear. They purposely block out everything to make way for espousing their own agenda. For them, it’s all about getting their way and accomplishing their objectives. So, the heck with what other people think or how they feel. ) Again, these types may make a lot of money but their legacy is ultimately badly tarnished and they have few true friends, the kind who will stand by them and tell it like it is when they finally need advice. That’s because they rarely, if ever, seek advice and operate with reciprocity.
To be honest, I’m not always interested in other people’s views. Some people bore the heck out of me. Most of the time I need to get my self-awareness turned on to where I get clear that I am blocking others out and that I need to focus hard to get into their shoes. I find it easiest when I meet with someone who is intellectually stimulating- then I zone in on them.
What’s it like for you?